Friday, August 19, 2011

Overprotective?

Our daughter Gwen, is considered as a quiet, innocent and gentle 5 year old girl. She is also very imaginative and sometimes she seemed to be in her own little world where she is oblivious to the things happening around her.

I make it a point to ask her "what-happened-in-school" questions everyday when she comes back from school...hoping to enhance her memory and exercise her "brain" to think more as she used to give me the "I don't know" reply everytime.

Incident No. 1
During one of our our casual chats about her friends and school, she told me one of the boys (if you read my previous post, you will know which boy she was referring to. Yes, the boy that travels to school with us!) from her class always likes to disturb her. The latest trick was saying "Spider" and moving his fingers in front of Gwen's face. Gwen is not as brave as I thought she would be..she is terrified of spiders! She jumps at the sight of a rubber spider...Gwen oh Gwen. They learned about spiders in school, I think that was why she got teased by the boy coz he knows she is afraid of spiders.

Well, kids sometimes like to tease their friends this way right so I just brush it aside and Gwen didn't complain about it either. Few days ago (I think it was Monday), we talked about school again and this time she told me 3 other kids were doing the "spider" thingy to her as well. Gwen told me one of the girls threw a rubber spider on her desk! WTH...I was not happy after hearing this.

I informed my Hubby immediately and boy was he pissed to the max. He called the principal and asked whether the teachers knew about this. The very next morning, Hubby spoke to the head teacher about it. The teacher said they did ask the kids to stop. She assured us it will never happen again.

When I went to fetch her from school the day when my Hubby spoke to the teacher in the morning, the teachers were so nice to Gwen.

Do you think we are too protective towards Gwen? Have your child(ren) encountered "teasing" by other kids before and how do you handle it?

Incident No. 2
Gwen has very short attention span and I would say she is not as attentive and alert compared to kids her age. The day when my Hubby spoke to her teacher about the "teasing" incident, they had some games lined up for the kids due to Indonesia's Independence Day (which was Tuesday).

Gwen received a Disney princess jigsaw puzzle from school. I asked her whether she won any games or not and she replied that she won the sack race and eating cracker games.

The next morning, my Hubby asked her teacher how she got the puzzle. According to the teacher, each kid will get something eventhough they did not win any game. Hubby sms-ed me that Gwen did not win any of the games.

So, now I know I cannot believe 100% what she said to me. Also, I'm quite concern about her social skills in school. Her teacher told Hubby that Gwen only play with one of the girls in her class.

When I asked her who she played with in school, she was telling me she played with this girl and that girl but in actual fact she did not play with any of them. After I found out about this, I pressed her further and she told me the other girls don't want to play with her. :(

I had a chat with her teacher yesterday. Her teacher told me it's normal for kids her age "to make up stories" sometimes. I'm glad that her teacher was very understanding and helpful. She informed me that they will have games or activities so all the kids will get a chance to play together. And she also advises the kids to play with all their friends.

Both Hubby and I are talking more to Gwen now. We will try our best to nurture her and hope that she grows up to be a confident, happy and independent girl. I remind her everyday not to make up stories anymore.

Have your 5 year old child(ren) make up any stories before? How do you encourage your child to speak more and make more friends? Do you have any advise for me?

Note : Although Gwen seemed to be quiet in school, she is not afraid to stand up for herself. She does retaliate when she is provoked. Just that I think she could not blend in with some of the kids especially those "loud and rough" kids.

27 comments:

Linda August 20, 2011 at 8:05 AM  

incident 1: teach her to overcome the fear of spider... practice with rubber spider at home too, throw at each other, teach her, "see, it's only rubber TOY spider, it is NOT REAL".. learn more about spider.... playful kids are very normal... my cheeky side of me would teach my girl to bring rubber snake to school and throw it to her friends... ^~^

incident 2: same here... i cannot help with this as i am also finding ways overcome ziyi's make up stories... bluf bluf bluf... i guess it's normal for their age?

Have a great weekend!

Oliveoylz August 20, 2011 at 10:10 AM  

I am sure it is very common for pre-schoolers to tell tall tales. Peer influence is probably the main culprit. I would think that there is no short-cut to solving this problem. You have done the right thing to nip it at the bud. Drum into her ears that making up stories is not acceptable, at all times. Eventually, over time, she will grow out of this phase. A happy weekend to you and family!

Sheoh Yan August 20, 2011 at 11:49 AM  

Mummy Gwen, these two incidents are very good topics to discuss.
1) No, I don't think you are over protecting your kid. If I were to be in your shoes, I would get furious too. This teasing act will become bullying act if the kids involved weren't warn. They will soon become one big bully in their primary and secondary school. I see this teasing act very seriously. Teasing can be hurtful to the mental and harmful to the physical. Though they are pretty young now, this should be stopped. You and your hubby are right to let the teacher know and reprimand them to stop.

2)My 5 years old May too, likes to make up stories. She too, telling me a lot of nonsense in her school, which I somehow know it is not true. One good thing, I can easily tell which one is true and which one is not. I am sure you can too, by asking more question and observing how she answers you.
It is not a big deal on this "make up story" behavior, just like her teacher told you.
However, only child will have for making friend with others. My sister's son is the only child too, I can see him having such problem too. He is 20 years old now, but his social network is very poor. You need to let her mix with more people and join more activities. Just my 2 cents.

ChloeRuoyi August 20, 2011 at 1:35 PM  

I guess teasing is very common among kids. The more they sense your fear, the more they like to provoke you. So just teach Gwen to IGNORE. Chloe has more or less very similar character with Gwen. She's also very quiet, timid and blur most of the time. She doesn't even know how to retaliate when bullied. So far, she's ok in school cos her classmates (only 8 of them) are all very gentle and goody2 type. I'm going to be very worried when she goes to primary school *shudders*

It is good to be imaginative at this age. Do constantly remind Gwen that she is only allowed to make up stories during her playtime and at all other times, she must always tell the real story. Anyway, this is only a phase, I guess. She'll snap out of it one fine day..

Mommy to Chumsy August 20, 2011 at 3:48 PM  

i think it's pretty normal for kids to make up stories. Mine does that too.

I guess some kids are just shy when they are with their peers. Could you ask the teachers to encourage her to play more with her other friends in school?

Charmaine August 20, 2011 at 7:01 PM  

My 5 year old is pretty feisty. Teasing is quite common at school. Both my girls have experienced this. I will teach them to say 'Stop this! I don't like it to the other kids' and then walk away and ignore them. But if it continues, I advise her to tell the teacher. I think it's good that your hub when to chat to the teachers so that they can watch out and stop these behaviours. Kids will be kids and it's difficult to stop them teasing, but it's good to equip our children with skills to be more resilient and stand up for themselves.
Making up stories is common too with my 5 year old Caitlin. Sometimes she will tell me events that occured in school, but when I check with teachers, other Mums or her older sister, Ashleigh, no such thing occured. I always remind her not to tell lies or make up stories because it could get her into trouble one day.
I am sure Gwen will learn. The good thing is she is feisty too.

Shenny's mommy August 20, 2011 at 10:35 PM  

Yes, my girl does face the teasing at school. I normally asked her, first ignore, then if friends still continue, warn them to stop else will inform teacher, and if they still continues, inform teacher straight away.

Ha..I realize my girl began to 'lie' when she was 5 year old too. I normally observe her expression and ask her further (again and again). Also, will let her know, if she tells me truth, I would not angry but I definitely would be angry if that is a lie. And even sometimes, I would tell her that I will check with her teacher, just to make sure. She sometimes feels scared and then will admit to me.

wenn August 20, 2011 at 10:41 PM  

kids do lie but it's just an innocent one.

CathJ August 21, 2011 at 12:25 AM  

Dear Mummy Gwen.. This age.. Kids started to 'creating story'.. I just don't know why.. but I think it's nature.. haha.. I observed so much when I was a preschool and a kindergarten teacher long time ago.. so it's normal.. we only can adviced them.. but its very difficult to make them becoming as honest as we want them to..

even my boy start with all his 'stories' now a days... I am quite worried but I know it's nature..

For the case 1.. I don't think you and your hubby are too protective.. I think it is a right thing to do.. coz if not Gwen will have bigger problem.. or may be become a buli victim. The teacher should really stop the kids from doing that..

My boy been buli in school too.. but it was very hard for me.. he is quite an active boy.. I knw.. he jumps here and there, acting like ben10.. (might make teacher pening.. -_-).. so when 2 or 3 kids belasah him.. the teacher will not do anything.. just ignore.. they will said 'padan muka... coz nakal'.. but by right they should stop it.. my boy always have some scar or blueblack.. I ask him, he said frens beat him.. I ask teacher know or not.. he say no.. make me worried max..

wah... very long... I should make a post already hahahahha..

UmmiRosma August 21, 2011 at 7:29 AM  

Yes..I garee with CathJ above..I am putting myself inside your shoes..I would definitely did the same. We as concerned parents would love our kid(s) to have their comfort zone at school.

Making up stories are common at this age. Hubby and I start to notice our kids to do such thing at this age!

Everytime after school I will ask "what did you ask your teacher?" "What did you do to make teacher happy at school dear?"

There are some positive and negative answers from them but can't be believed 100% especially those negative remarks..hahah

We do worried too if this kinda behaviour would become a habit when they grow up...*hopefully no*


So far what we did to our kids is to remind that God will love kids who always say true things only.

All the best...*i feel you*

UmmiRosma August 21, 2011 at 7:29 AM  

typo **agree

Merryn August 21, 2011 at 11:58 AM  

Gwen is as gentle and soft spoken as you. As for Ethan, he is as loud and kaypoh as i am but when he is in school, he is quite timid and quiet too. I have no advise for you at this moment as I'm just beginning to see Ethan out of my sight and in school...

prince n princess mum August 22, 2011 at 10:59 AM  

No.1, I think u both are doing the right thing, it's better to let the teacher know what happen so that there's no more bullying act in the school anymore...

No.2, I think Gwen needs more encouragement to speak up. Maybe you can talk to the teacher and find out why other girls don't want to play with her. My son can't get along with one of the boy in his class, too, when he just begins schooling, but he's perfectly fine now, after I coordinate with his teacher about this matter. He can get along with all his classmates and have very good relationship with them now.....

lvynana August 22, 2011 at 12:26 PM  

Maybe it's time she has little sister/brother :)

Alice Law August 22, 2011 at 2:34 PM  

Hrm... It agree to guide Gwen to overcome her arthropod phobia. On top of tht, teachers should encourage and guide her to be more socialise at school, probably by creating more chances to hv activity with other kids.

My girl too often lie and keep making her imaginary friends(who are actually exist), not to worry much abt tht, my 2 cents.

mNhL August 22, 2011 at 4:14 PM  

Case 1 : U did the right things! Should stop this bully before it gets worse.

Case 2 : at this age, i think they are quite creative to think of stories to tell. Just make sure to guide her along. My son sometimes does tell us 'stories' too. We will demand him to tell us the truth and tell him lying is wrong.

Kristie August 23, 2011 at 4:17 AM  

Dont worry dear, I'm sure it's just a passing phase. Just let her be and encourage her along the way :-)

Serene August 23, 2011 at 10:58 AM  

Mummygwen, I guess Xixi almost has the same character as Gwen. She's also very timid and blur. I think she doesn't know how to retaliate when provoked. (at least Gwen is brave to stand up for herself!!) But she will tell me which kids are loud and rough in her class, and she will tell teacher when she kena bullied.. I will complain to her teacher and sometimes the parent too when I go to fetch Xixi. I hope they will pay more attention to it so that the bullying act wouldn't get worse.

Yee Ling August 23, 2011 at 11:45 AM  

Till today Ethel still love to make up story, but as long as she is not lieing on serious things, I am fine with it. I think is just part of the growing stage.

As of the teasing incident,I will judge based on the seriousness...Sometimes Ethel did tell me the friends will pinch her cheek and tease on her too. But i told her to inform the teacher if the friends tend to do so.

yvonne August 23, 2011 at 12:16 PM  

Case1: My daughter comes home complaining her friends like to ransack her bag and eat her lunch box. I told her to ignore these friends or tell her teacher about the misbehaved ones. Not sure how well she copes with it, but I want her to be independent.

Case2: When my girl was younger, she would tell me some stories which I think she imagined them. I didn't reprimand her for not telling the truth, because it's normal for preschooler to unable to differenciate reality and fantasy. Gwen will get over this stage when she's more mature.

Vickylow August 23, 2011 at 3:12 PM  

Incident No. 1 - Teasing is common between children. You are not over protecting Gwen. Normally I would let my girl handle the problem by herself 1st. Eg. Inform teacher if your friend do that again. If they still repeat I would talk personally to the teacher.

Incident No. 2 - Yes kids love making story. Remember Chloe making up story on leg pain. So drama queen I can call. On the social skill, I guess it's due to Gwen is the only child in family. Mostly weekend activities will spend with daddy and mommy. Lack of peer to play with her. You can let her join more activities eg. music class, art class & etc. So more opportunity for her to make friend and play with the peer.

BoeyJoey August 23, 2011 at 3:35 PM  

I think it's a good start that Gwen stands up for herself :-). Encourage her more on this aspect, and as your hubby already spoken to the teacher, she should be fine :-).

my QQ also says "i don't know" when i ask her things. when i get this kind of answers, i'll start asking more close-ended questions, with answers of a "Yes or "No". Then from there, ask more specifically to get more answers. She too, like Gwen, likes to exaggerate things. I think it's quite common among kids, and they should grow out of it. I try not to judge, as they will feel bad about themselves and stop talking altogether. About blending with other kids, I think some kids are naturally shy. In time, she'll have lots of friends, don't worry :-)

Hayley August 23, 2011 at 10:23 PM  

Hi Mummy Gwen, wishing you a nice day ahead!

Vivianz August 24, 2011 at 1:10 AM  

All your friends above have given their very very good opinion!

My girl is 5, she got teased in school but i told her to ignore, and report to teacher. That's it wor, because I see her not really bothered about it though. So I tried not to make it too big deal in front of her.

about the social skill at 5, i think it is pretty normal for kids their age. Normally kids 5 do not involve too much in each other, they are still very "self centered". Naomi is the only chinese girl in her class, the rest of the girls are Malay, so one of the mean girl said to her"you are not one of us, we won't play with you." and naomi being a gungho type of girl, she went to report to teacher and told the girl's mum after the school finished. LOL

slavemom August 24, 2011 at 2:06 PM  

If my kids were teased that way, I'd def highlight the matter to the teacher. If they jes complain n don't seem bothered, maybe I'll ignore it but in this case, Gwen seemed really disturbed.
Making up stories... vy common. I don't trust 100% wat CE tells me abt the happenings in sch. Moreover, he doesn't tell me much. I dun think there's much to worry abt Gwen's social skill. At least she's not a lone ranger, she has frens. Maybe she jes doesn't want to mix with the other "loud n rough" kids.

Mummy Gwen August 25, 2011 at 11:45 AM  

Thank you all for the advise and comments. Although Gwen didn't seem to be bothered by the "teasing", we just want to make sure that this kind of behaviour are not acceptable and it was not funny at all. I'm also thinking to enrol her to more activities when we go back to KL in the future.

Sarah's Daddy and Mommy June 26, 2012 at 12:17 AM  

Hi Mommy Gwen, I know I am the last who give comment so far, dont mind yeah!

Sarah also faced some teasing and rough acts from kids when she was in year 4. That time, her hair clip was pulled down by a girl and her shoes were being cabut by the same girl and threw it outside the class, the stories cont and cont....
- I also did the same thing like you by discuss with teachers about the matter.
After the discussion, I did told Sarah ways to handle the situation when she is with her fren.
- Agreed with most of the mommies, first teach the kid on handle the tease, if it is continue to happened and worsening, then the kid have to complaint to teacher.
- you know, Sarah's class teacher told me, Sarah is great in complaining about her classmates, haha!

Making up stories...
Oh yes, Sarah was doing that too!
And sometimes i also doubt with her statement and stories.
But I will not confronted her directly to say that she is telling lie. I am afraid that this will make her stop sharing with me about things happened in skol.
So there was once this day, I told her the story of "the boy cried who cried for wolf". I intentionally tell her the morale of the story.
And eventually she confess to me that she was making up stories sometimes and even told me which one was that!

So dont worry Mommy Gwen. Gwen will be fine in her skoling life and daily life.
We are learning, so does Gwen!

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